i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
