I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
