some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
