finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
