Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
