you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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