My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
