you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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