he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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