Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i need some magic done to my vagina
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
