i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
