i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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