closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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