I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
