I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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