I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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