did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
