I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
