My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Can I color on your dick again?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
