There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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