I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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