you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
