Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
