I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
