She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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