Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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