He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
