Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
