So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
