her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
