tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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