final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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