your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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