How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
