3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
