He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
