A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
