dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
