I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
and she was petting her beer can
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
