Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
