I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
