I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
