My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
