i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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