I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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