Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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