I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
