No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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