I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All the doctor said was why
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
