he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
