I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
