I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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