Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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