I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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