I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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