so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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