i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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